


Fragile Things

by wilwarindi



Series: Unfinished Tales of Pandora and the Borderlands [3]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Unhealthy Beginnings of Relationships, unfinished fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 09:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17743286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilwarindi/pseuds/wilwarindi
Summary: [[Part of my collection of unfinished fics.]]Pining, bad communication skills, messy messy feelings. 'Nuff said.Oh, and two possible endings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this one is... writing it was a bit like being in a trace. Or a fever dream. Once I started, I wrote most of this fic in like 2 or 3 days - I just couldn't put it down, the words just kept pouring on and on and I struggled to keep up. 
> 
> Unbeta'd. 
> 
> There are some descriptions in here that I _adore_ so much, and I've been cannibalizing them for my other fics (especially, Caught on Fire). I'm not entirely happy with the middle of it, but I got in real trouble with the ending. At first I wrote side A, then, much later I wrote side B. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Music Mood:**  
> [ Damien Rice - Delicate ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRPwFAoQwxc)

Roland is shy, and Mordecai follows him with eyes hidden behind goggles, and a smirk on his lips when no one watches. Mordecai doesn't like attention either, but he keeps people away with gruffness, meanwhile Roland is quiet and awkward, and it’s like he was made to be teased.

Well, when he’s not in combat, that is, because then Roland leads with confidence and obvious experience. Watching him in those occasions brings more envy than mockery to mind; watching how easily Roland, who’s five years younger than him, falls into what is obviously his calling, his pre-ordained fate, and can lead them all as easy as breathing.

When they’re alone they rarely talk. Mordecai has long practice at keeping people at arms’ length and Roland is not one to pry. Oddly, that makes Mordecai want to talk to him all the more - but he never knows what to say.

Mordecai follows the movement of Roland’s hands and the gentle curve of his lips when he smiles - and also his confident strides and the nice view his backside provides. He watches from his perches, from across the battlefield, but never up close. No point, really.

He isn’t surprised when he catches Roland smiling more and more around Lilith - it was the predictable outcome. Lilith entertains herself by pushing and pulling him around, by wrapping her own shy and awkward heart slowly around his. Mordecai and Brick try to bet on how long it will take for Roland and Lilith to hook up, but they give up after they both agree it would be on the night before their arrival to the Vault.

In the end, they are wrong - but only by a few days.

“You could at least _try_ to be quiet,” Mordecai tells Lilith casually, a smirk on his lips. “I still wanna get some sleep from now on.”

Roland shuffles and smiles, embarrassed but obviously happy.

Lilith blushes, but refuses to act mollified in any way. “You can move your tent further away, then.”

Brick and Mordecai burst out laughing, and that’s that.

* * *

Mordecai tries his best with Moxxi and fails miserably. He should have known that’s the way it would end, though: he’s no good at love. His friends give him space and time, and he wallows until they run out of patience and they force him to move on.

Roland and Lilith live together in New Haven, which is basically what they’ve been doing all along. Mordecai tries his best to stay away from Roland and Lilith’s honeymoon bliss - he’s afraid he’ll sour it and himself if he dares go near it, if he spends too long around them.

Instead, he takes to leaving New Haven as often as he can, and they never think to wonder why - Mordecai is a solitary bird, Mordecai is a hunter and hunters don’t stay put for too long.

* * *

The fall of New Haven breaks them - it breaks them more deeply than it seems at first.

Lilith needs to hide from Hyperion, alone in her freezing cave and hounded by bandits. She kills them by the tens and hundreds and they keep coming. She wasn’t built to live alone for so long, and yet she does because the alternative would see them all dead. Mordecai visits when he can, and she talks his ear off about whatever she has been doing or has found on the ECHOnet - but she never asks about Roland. Maybe she thinks that makes her feelings less obvious, but it doesn't.

Brick snaps. Whatever Hyperion did to him - and he won’t talk about it besides speaking about his dog, so Mordecai can only imagine the worst -, it was bad enough for him to swear revenge as loudly as he can, to crush a screaming man’s skull with his bare hands, to build his own lost kingdom at the foot of a Hyperion stronghold. Brick adapts and becomes that which his enemies hate, and he disappears into his new character with a frightening ease.

Roland closes off. He breaks up with Lilith so he can focus on the war, and when he does he seems both stronger and more adrift than Mordecai has ever seen him. Roland looks like he would like to cut out his heart and bury it to stop it from weighing on him; he becomes harsh and demanding and controlling. He focuses as hard as he can, as if that were enough to win them the war.

Mordecai drinks and follows Roland’s orders. He wonders how are they supposed to come back from this at all.

* * *

The week of their first Mercenary Day after the fall of New Haven, Mordecai finally stands up to Roland who has been trying to get his men to ignore the ridiculous holiday altogether. He says they have a war to fight, and in fact they should focus more, they should double their vigilance instead of relaxing it.

Mordecai sees the looks on the Raiders’ faces, and drags Roland aside after he’s done ranting.

“They need a break, Roland.”

“We can’t afford it right now.”

“Roland, they _need_ a break. They’re about to snap.” Mordecai shakes his head. “You’re the leader here, you know how morale works.”

Roland’s scowl only deepens. “They know what’s at stake.”

“If you keep pushing them, they’re gonna mutiny,” Mordecai retorts bluntly. “Or give up. Let them have this; we can’t all be like you.”

Roland looks stunned at the words. He eventually gives in and agrees to keep the regular amount of guards on shorter shifts so they can all enjoy a bit the celebration, and Mordecai kind of wants to believe that it's because of what he said to Roland.

On the actual Mercenary Day, Mordecai finds Roland over his work table, as usual. Mordecai doesn’t want to think he was looking for Roland, but who else is he supposed to spend the stupid fake holiday with?

Roland rants about the war, about the effort, and time, and work, and lives to protect. Mordecai hands him a rakk ale without a word, and Roland actually seems to relax a tiny bit for the first time in months and months.

Roland leans back on the table after a long pull of ale, and lets out a deep sigh.

“Happy Mercenary Day,” Mordecai says wryly.

Roland laughs. It sounds rusty and tired.

“Thanks,” he says. “You were right, they needed the day off.”

“You also need a day off,” Mordecai replies, pointing with his own bottle. “You haven’t stopped since New Haven.” Roland stiffens at the name, and Mordecai rolls his eyes a little. “New Haven. New Haven,” he repeats with a mocking lilt. “You gotta get over it.”

“How?” Roland says, frowning, but when he looks at Mordecai in the eye he looks a bit lost.

Mordecai shrugs. “I don’t know. Just do.” Roland keeps staring at him. “It happened. It was bad. But if you keep this up, you’re gonna work yourself to death long before we can take on Hyperion.”

Roland looks away.

“It wasn't your fault,” Mordecai finally says. He’s been wanting to say that for a while. “New Haven, it wasn’t your fault.”

Roland makes a noncommittal sound and drinks a bit more.

“We tried. We failed. Whatever, the point is we need to keep going,” Mordecai insists, leaning back against the table by Roland’s side.

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” Roland wonders.

“No, _you_ are punishing yourself,” Mordecai points out. “Beating yourself over it, when it wasn’t you who pulled the trigger.”

Roland gives him a scrutinizing look and Mordecai returns it, trying to look more at ease than he is.

“Maybe you’re right,” Roland says quietly. He hasn’t looked away.

“You don’t need to sound so surprised,” Mordecai replies dryly. He’s trying not to squirm, not to back away and run.

Roland holds up his bottle. “I’m not.”

“Bullshit,” Mordecai retorts with a grin, and he clinks his bottle with Roland’s.

Roland drinks quietly, leaning slightly against him and still not moving his eyes away, until Mordecai pushes himself off the table and kisses him. Roland’s mouth opens under his, unsurprised, and Roland takes the bottle from his hand and leaves it on the table next to his own.

Mordecai fists both hands on Roland’s sweater, pulling him close, and Roland goes easily - almost relieved. Roland cups his jaw and lets Mordecai’s tongue slide into his mouth.

When Mordecai finally pulls back, he’s shaking a little.

“Asshole,” he mutters, not entirely sure why.

Roland gives him a tiny smile, not quite meeting his eyes. “Sorry.”

Mordecai presses his forehead against Roland’s. Roland hasn’t moved his hands from Mordecai’s face.

“Why?” Mordecai wonders, even if he knows he shouldn’t ask anything, he shouldn’t say or question lest Roland changes his mind.

“Sorry,” Roland repeats, pulling back.

Mordecai’s grip tightens as a reflex, but when he makes himself let go Roland doesn’t move away.

Unsure of what else to say, Mordecai kisses him again, and again Roland goes with it. His mouth is pliant and soft and warm. He clings tightly, except when he seems to remember he shouldn’t and forces his hands to relax, only to go back to clinging the next moment.

They don’t stop until they hear steps close by - there’s always people at Raiders HQ. Mordecai lets go of him as if he’d been burnt; Roland’s hands linger for a second. The steps never come closer, but they’re apart now, trying not to look at each other too closely.

“Sorry,” Roland says, rubbing his face.

“Stop saying that.” Mordecai huffs. “You’re making it sound like I’m bad at it.”

Roland ducks his head, but he smiles. “No.”

“Damn right I’m not,” Mordecai agrees with a smirk. He takes a step back to leave, but Roland’s hand on his chest stops him.

“I…” Roland mutters.

Mordecai waits for almost a full minute, but nothing else follows.

“You wanna do that again, you know where to find me,” Mordecai says, trying to pretend he’s mostly joking. Roland looks at him in the eye for the first time in a while. “And you better kiss me first next time.”

Roland surges forward and does just that. But even if he does take the first step, he still doesn’t do much of anything unless prompted or lead. His passive attitude is off-putting.

“Do you even want this?” Mordecai snaps. “What do you _want_?”

Roland shrugs awkwardly.

“Unless you say ‘yes’, I’m leaving,” Mordecai warns him. “If you're not into it, I'm not interested.”

Roland leans his forehead against his shoulder and sighs. “I don’t know.”

Mordecai closes his eyes and fights off the desire to hold Roland close. “Then make up your damn mind. Whatever it is, just make up your mind.”

He backs off and walks away, and this time Roland doesn't stop him.

* * *

It takes Roland a whole two months to bring it up again, and in that time things are a little awkward, but otherwise basically the same.

Roland asks him to stay after the latest meeting about their plans on raiding the Bloodshot outpost on the Three Horns divide. The Bloodshots have been pushing too close to Sanctuary lately, despite Lilith’s (the Firehawk’s) open war on them.

After the rest of the captains leave, Roland steps close, almost too close for comfort, but doesn’t seem to know what to say.

Mordecai snorts. “What, took you this long and now you got nothing?”

“Just… Be careful tomorrow,” Roland says quietly. His hand hovers over Mordecai’s arm without touching it.

“Why you always gotta wait for the dramatic moment before battle?” Mordecai says, shaking his head. He refuses to move closer or further away; he refuses to budge in any direction. “What do you _want_ , Roland?”

“What do _you_ want?”

Mordecai rolls his eyes, but decides he better answer that or they’ll get stuck in an infinite loop.

“I’m not looking for love, and I’m not Lilith,” he says point blank. Roland flinches slightly at her name. “I know you’ll go back to her when you can.” Roland gives him an apologetic look. “Of course I know, and I don’t really care. I’m not gonna stop you when you do.”

Roland looks relieved for a second and then horribly guilty.

“So, what’s it gonna be?”

Mordecai can see the moment Roland gives in, and he smiles to himself as Roland’s hand curls around the back of his neck and Roland’s mouth covers his own. Mordecai pulls him towards the relative privacy of the balcony and drops to his knees with a smug little grin.

“Wait,” Roland says. Mordecai looks up at him, gaze questioning. “We can do something else first.”

Mordecai snorts. “Just shut up, Roland. If I wanted romance, I wouldn’t be here.”

Roland muffles his sounds with a hand, although he’s not really loud. His knees buckle slightly when he comes. When Mordecai stands up again, he smirks at the sight of Roland’s beret crooked and his body slumped against the wall.

“You’re a mess,” he comments pulling the beret back into place, and he’s scared of the fondness he can hear seeping into his own voice.

Roland smiles in return and leans in for a kiss, but Mordecai turns his face away. He pulls Roland away from the wall and signals down with a quirked eyebrow. Roland drops to his knees without hesitation.

“You ever done this before?” Mordecai wonders, a tad nervous.

Roland gives him an amused look. “Have you?” he shoots back, doing quick work of unbuckling Mordecai’s belt.

“You gotta stop answering questions with a question,” Mordecai mutters.

Judging by the ease with which he moves, Roland has indeed done this before. Mordecai wants to ask for details, but he swallows the words and the grunts while he bites into the back of his own hand.

* * *

The Firehawk, shrouded in a long robe and with wings of fire, shows up at the end of their raid on the Bloodshot outpost. Roland frowns and mutters to himself: “what is she _doing_?”

Lilith phases near Mordecai after the fighting is done. There aren’t any prying eyes up here.

“Sup,” she says, her fire wings fading.

“Hey,” Mordecai replies with a smile, turning back to look at her. “Had fun?”

“Yeah. Not a lot of fighting lately.”

She hugs him with one arm, and Mordecai pushes down the surge of guilt the friendly gesture gives him.

“Roland’s gonna be pissed,” he warns her.

Lilith waves a hand dismissively. “So? The Bloodshots are mine and he knows it.”

Mordecai catches a glimpse of Roland walking up to them, looking even angrier than he’d expected.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he says. He puts his sniper rifle away and whistles for Bloodwing to join him.

He crosses Roland on his way down the tower. Roland tries to find his gaze, but Mordecai pretends not to notice and doesn’t even stop.

When he looks back up at the tower, he can see them arguing. He tries not to look too often, and focuses on giving orders to the Raiders that are scattered around.

“What’s the Firehawk doing here?” one of them asks.

“I don’t know. Heard they hate the Bloodshots, though,” another replies with a shrug.

“Maybe they can join the Raiders,” the first one says, hope and fascination in her voice. “That would be awesome.”

Mordecai tells both of them to follow him in one last sweep of the building. How most of them remain completely oblivious of the fact the Firehawk is Lilith, he’ll never know. But it’s true he knows her better than they ever did, and he and Roland made a big show of mourning her after New Haven.

The guilt comes back with a vengeance.

“We’re done here,” Roland’s voice says through the ECHO when Mordecai and his team are half-way through the sweep. He sounds angry. “Pack everything useful and let’s go.”

“Doing one last round. Meet you in Sanctuary,” Mordecai replies.

Roland begins to speak and Mordecai shuts his ECHO off. When he eventually exits the building, now with a few more weapons and supplies that had first been missed, Roland is gone.

When he stands before the Fast Travel station, Mordecai hesitates, his fingers itching to type in a different location than Sanctuary. He’s not looking forward to any kind of emotional outbursts, but in the end he convinces himself that disappearing for a few days would actually be worse.

Roland isn’t in the HQ when Mordecai arrives. Jessup tells him Roland is dealing with Marcus for selling guns to the Bloodshots again, and Mordecai half hopes Roland will finally kill that guy. But Roland won’t, because Roland is a good guy and losing Marcus would cost the Raiders as well.

When Roland returns, he spots the rakk ale Mordecai has left for him and smiles.

“I assume Marcus is still alive,” Mordecai says over his shoulder.

“He is. A good part of his weapons have been confiscated, though,” Roland replies wryly.

They drink in silence for a moment, Mordecai still staring at the video feeds from different points on Pandora. Roland sidles up to him.

“What did Lilly say?” Mordecai asks, deciding for the straightforward approach.

“The usual: Bloodshots are her responsibility not ours, she was bored, they need to fear her.” Roland smiles even as he shakes his head.

“I miss her,” Mordecai blurts out. He does, though.

Roland nods silently in agreement.

“I miss Brick, too,” Roland adds.

They stay quiet for a second.

“You think Brick was the token straight guy?” Mordecai wonders suddenly.

Roland almost chokes on his beer. “What?”

“Yeah. I mean, you, me and Lilith are clearly not straight.”

“Lilith? How do you figure?” Roland asks with a snort.

Mordecai gives him a look out the corner of his eye. “Did you ever see her talking to Moxxi? Not even I stared at her chest like that.”

Roland’s face does a weird contortion, like this was the last thing he’d like to think and talk about. But then he seems to relent. “I mean, yeah but… It’s Moxxi.” Mordecai gives Roland a flat look. “Yeah, ok. But I think Moxxi is a special case on her own.”

“Still a woman, Roland.”

“True. Well, you’d know,” Roland adds in an undertone.

A quip about jealousy forms on Mordecai’s tongue, but he discards it almost immediately.

“I do know. But she’ll kill me if I talk.”

“I didn’t ask.” Roland’s voice is a little dry.

Mordecai smirks. “There was something about Brick that always screamed ‘bear’ to me, though,” he says, just as Roland is taking another sip.

Roland groans. “Really? Why are we still talking about this?” he asks in dismay.

“Just making small talk,” Mordecai says with a shrug and a shit eating grin.

“Can’t we just… talk about the weather instead?”

Mordecai turns and gives him a teasing smile. “You’re so dull.”

Roland’s eyes fix on his mouth, and Mordecai’s heart stutters. But they saw Lilith today, and it would do him good to remember what’s the way of things. It’s too soon for another round if they’re going to keep things casual.

“You didn’t seem to think that yesterday,” Roland says in a low voice, before Mordecai can step away.

“You have no idea what I thought,” Mordecai says immediately, and he hates the flirting lilt in his voice. He should have sounded disdainful instead.

Roland steps closer. “You can tell me. I’d like to hear your thoughts.”

Mordecai pauses, then he leans in. “You’re pretty bold for a guy who didn’t know what he wanted yesterday,” he says, and he’s relieved to hear the disdain is there.

He backs away and leaves.

* * *

They don’t have sex often. It happens at random times, usually before missions or after Mordecai returns from a long reconnaissance trip.

Mordecai is happy to pretend he doesn’t feel Roland’s poorly hidden anxiety about his well-being when he comes back after weeks of absence. He has no idea how to deal with Roland being worried, or how to avoid reading too much into it, so he pushes Roland against a wall and sucks him off instead. It keeps Roland’s hands from sliding around him and Roland’s mouth from searching his, and it helps them both relax, so everybody wins.

Roland doesn’t leave Sanctuary nearly as much as Mordecai, but he gets cagey every now and then - he’s a soldier, he likes having his boots on the ground. Having him on the field is usually fun, though. Roland returns a bit to his former self: he laughs, he makes jokes, he adapts and acts when things go wrong instead of wrestling with frustration and hiding within himself.

Mordecai has gotten better at pulling Roland out of his shell, usually with beer, sometimes with a wildly inappropriate comment that would have made Roland huff and ignore him not too long ago - but these are desperate times.

It’s after one of these missions, around a year later, when they first make it to an actual bed. They're both drunk in rakk ale and victory, and Mordecai isn’t keeping Roland from kissing him too much for once. He just goes with it, grinning as Roland’s hands tangle on his hair and slide under his clothes, and only too happy to return the attention in kind. He doesn’t notice them moving to Roland’s bedroom - the only bedroom in the HQ building that has only one bed instead of rows of bunk beds - until he’s already in it, and then he only laughs.

“Finally got me here, huh?” he says.

Roland gives him an only slightly guilty smile. “You’re hard to pin down.”

Mordecai laughs even louder. “Not that hard if you play your cards right.”

Roland snorts. “Bullshit,” he says, mouthing along Mordecai’s jaw. “Can we fuck? I don’t really care which way.”

Mordecai stiffens, but then Roland’s mouth wraps on his earlobe and he sucks at it gently, and Mordecai shivers, a moan escapes him before he can bite it back.

“Yeah. Yeah, ok.”

It’s the first time they’re fully naked. All their previous tumbles have been rushed and in mildly public places where they could be easily interrupted. They have, at most, locked themselves in a bathroom or a spare room a couple of times.

There is a whole layer of intimacy to this that makes Mordecai nervous, but he determinedly refuses to dwell on it. He pushes Roland down and straddles his waist; he kisses hard enough to bruise, but flinches when Roland’s hands touch him, careful and tender.

“Stop it,” he hisses.

Roland looks hurt and turns his head when Mordecai tries to kiss him again. He puts a hand on Mordecai’s chest and pushes him slightly away.

“What?” Mordecai snaps.

Roland just looks at him for a second. “I care about you,” he says. Mordecai tries to pull away, but Roland’s hands on his arms stop him. “And I think you care about me.”

“Shut up.”

“I know what you said about love, but I don’t think it’s working out that way.”

“Shut _up_.” Mordecai scowls down at him. “Don’t you dare. The moment this is over, you’ll be back with Lilith and you know it.”

“You said that. I didn’t.”

“Please. She still loves you.” Roland shrugs. “And you’ll always choose her.”

Roland pushes up on his elbows. “You don’t know that. _I_ don’t know that.”

Mordecai scoffs. “Of course you will. And, what, you say ‘ _maybe not_ ’ and I’m supposed to fall for you? How much of an idiot you take me for?”

“An idiot who’s scared,” Roland snaps with a frown.

“Yeah, sure, scared,” Mordecai says in a huff, leaving his position atop Roland. “What does that make you? You dump your girlfriend, then fall in with me so you won’t be alone for more than five minutes.”

Roland looks angry for a second, but when he replies his voice is level: “That’s not what happened, and you know it. And I think we may have something here if you’d stop running away.”

“What do you _think_ happened?”

“You kissed me before I was done figuring it all out -”

“You _wanted_ me to,” Mordecai cuts him off in a caustic tone.

“Then you said ‘ _no love, no romance_ ’ and start putting all these rules...” Roland trails off and looks away. “I should’ve said something. But I didn’t think it would be so hard to get through to you.” He shakes his head. “So here: I want to try this, really try, and see where it goes.”

“No,” Mordecai says flatly, picking up his pants from the floor. He puts them on quickly.

“Why? Is this about Lilith? Or are you just scared?”

“You cheated on her with me,” Mordecai says, putting on his shirt. “Why would I trust you?”

“ _Cheated_?”

He hears Roland sitting up, but doesn’t turn around to look at him. Mordecai just picks up the rest of his belongings and heads to the door.

“Coward,” Roland says, his voice full of contempt.

Mordecai slams the door shut behind him.

* * *

Mordecai hasn’t been to see Lilith in months - he just can’t even think of facing her - and Brick’s slabs never stop trying to kill him, no matter how often he kills them first. With those places ruled out, he ends up hiding in Tundra Express for a while, uncertain about whether he’s keeping an eye on Tiny Tina or she’s keeping an eye on him.

Things are chilly when he comes back. Roland is perfectly professional as always, but there is a cold edge to it that has never been there before. The edge fades slowly, as days and weeks and months go by - as they win their share of battles, but the war is looking more and more like they've lost.

There is only so long resentment over a petty fight will go, especially in desperate times. Especially when they are the only ones left in Sanctuary; when they need to rely on each other constantly, surrounded as they are by a growing tide of Hyperion forces.

Their third Mercenary Day in Sanctuary comes by quicker than Mordecai realized. Things look even worse than during their first one - although at least he doesn't have to convince Roland to let the Raiders celebrate. Everyone not on duty is loud and drunk - that’s how desperate things are.

Roland finds him on the roof of the HQ.

“Hey,” he says, sliding carefully over the tiles until he’s sitting beside him, their legs hanging over the edge.

Mordecai raises his bottle as a greeting.

“Got any more of those?” Roland wonders.

Mordecai laughs. “For you?”

“C’mon, man, don’t be like that.”

Mordecai takes a bottle of rakk ale bottles from the box and hands it over to Roland. “I was gonna say ‘ _of course_ ’, but alright.”

Roland uncaps a bottle. “I didn’t get you anything.”

“Have you ever gotten me anything?” Mordecai asks with a snort. “Mercenary Day is stupid anyway.”

“It’s like Christmas,” Roland says. Mordecai can hear the stupid smile in Roland’s voice and he groans. “I like Christmas.”

“I swear to God, Roland,” Mordecai grumbles. Roland chuckles. “I know, ok? We all know: you like Christmas.” He nudges Roland with his shoulder, but can’t completely fight back a smile.

“I’m a simple guy,” Roland says with a shrug.

Mordecai laughs. “ _That’s_ true.”

They drink quietly for a moment. Roland’s hand carefully, gently, lays on Mordecai’s wrist.

“Can I kiss you?” Roland asks. Mordecai goes very still. “I know it went wrong last time, but I’m trying to get it right now.”

“What makes you think I’m interested?” Mordecai asks, with just enough dry humor in his voice to make it clear he’s not against it.

“I don’t know. You haven’t thrown me off the roof yet.”

Mordecai hums. “Don’t tempt me.” He turns to look at Roland and finds him watching him attentively. “Why? Last time was a disaster.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t make it work if we start over. And I still want to kiss you, even after all that,” Roland adds with a hopeful smile.

Mordecai twines their fingers together, awkwardly, and runs his thumb over the back of Roland’s hand.

“What about Lilith?”

Roland sighs. “That’s been over for three years. I haven’t even seen her in months. It was awkward as hell.”

Mordecai gives him a speculative look. “You’re not gonna promise me the moon, then?” he asks. “No poems? No promises of eternal love?”

“You’d actually throw me off the roof if I tried,” Roland says with a scoff.

Mordecai smirks. “True. You do know me.”

He leans over, but stops a few inches away - waiting. Roland smiles and kisses him.

It’s not magic. It never is. But it’s better than their first ever kiss, with Roland being much more involved and more certain. When Mordecai pulls him closer by the collar, Roland goes so eagerly he loses balance for a second. Roland’s hands claw at the roof for purchase and Mordecai steadies him as a reflex, his heart in his throat.

They stay still for a second, before Roland gives him a nervous smile.

“Maybe this isn’t the best place for this.”

“Yeah,” Mordecai agrees. His heart’s still racing, and he swallows heavily. “You gonna invite me to your room again, or is that too fast for you?”

“I think we’re way past ‘fast’ by now,” Roland says with a laugh.

“You’re just saying that because I gave you a blowjob the second time we kissed.” As expected, that makes Roland visibly uncomfortable. Mordecai laughs. “Grow up, Roland.”

“Easy for you to say, old man,” Roland replies.

Mordecai purses his lips and Roland climbs up the roof quickly, before Mordecai can catch him and throw him off it, this time for real.

* * *

“You don't wear this anymore,” Mordecai says. He unwraps the red scarf from the hook on the wall where it's been hanging for years now. At least, he's been told the scarf is red - to him it just looks greenish. “I'd forgotten about it,” he adds.

Roland looks over from where he's finishing getting dressed.

“Oh, that. Yeah, I think… I think it reminds me too much of the Lance uniform,” he says with a shrug.

“Your hat has a Lance on it,” Mordecai points out.

“It's _our_ Lance. We've reclaimed it.”

“It looks like a dick, Roland,” Mordecai informs him. “Same as the Crimson Lance, but black.”

“Why…” Roland says quietly, horror on his face and in his voice. “Why you have to ruin it like that? That's all I'm gonna see when I look at it from now on.”

Mordecai grins. “I am a ruiner.”

Roland gives him an unimpressed look. “You might be giving yourself too much credit.”

Mordecai spins him around and kisses him. He traps Roland's bottom lip between his teeth and sucks at it, a little too forceful.

“Still not ruined,” Roland says, pulling back. He runs his tongue over his sore lip. “I have things to do, but you're welcome to try again later.”

Mordecai frowns but gives up. Nothing will ever keep Roland away from his duties and he better get used to it.

“Fine,” he says and sits on the bed to tie his boots.

“You can keep that,” Roland says suddenly. Mordecai looks up to see him pointing at the red scarf still on Mordecai’s hand.

“We're doing tokens of love already?” Mordecai wonders mockingly.

“I'm not using it,” Roland says with a shrug. “And the color looks well on you.”

“Does it?” Mordecai asks, skeptical. “I can't tell.”

“It does.” Roland takes the scarf and wraps it around Mordecai’s neck.

“Are you sure you're not just making a property claim?” Mordecai ventures.

“It'll help cover up the hickeys,” Roland says with a toothy grin.

Mordecai blinks, then pushes him aside and strides over to the mirror.

“You asshole. You didn't,” he says, studying his neck. He can't see any, but that doesn't mean much with him being colorblind.

“No, I didn't,” Roland admits. “Sorry.” He stands by Mordecai’s side. “But red suits you.”

Mordecai huffs, still annoyed at the hickey thing - but his irritation dwindles upon seeing their reflections on the mirror. Roland's hands are around his waist and they actually… they actually look well together.

“If you say so,” Mordecai says. He takes the scarf off and unfurls it. It's longer than he'd realized, and the fabric is light and well worn, but it's still solid. “This is huge, I could use it as a towel.”

“I thought you didn't want it, said it was a property claim or something,” Roland says, teasing.

Mordecai considers that. “Well, you do owe me several Mercenary Days’ gifts. I keep getting you beer.”

Roland laughs. “Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Mordecai reaches back and puts his hand over Roland's hip.

“Nah, I got something else for that,” he says casually.

Roland smiles and gives him a quick peck on the lips.

“I gotta go.”

* * *

A couple weeks later, when Mordecai returns from the Dust, Roland stares at him in disbelief.

“Really?” he wonders, signaling at what used to be his scarf, now wrapped all over Mordecai’s torso.

Mordecai shrugs. “What was it you said about reclaiming stuff?” Roland gives him an incredulous look. “There was dust and sand everywhere, and this is mine now.”

Roland opens his mouth, but doesn’t seem to find any words, so in the end he settles or a shrug and saying:

“Alright.”

Mordecai sees something odd about his expression, but can't put his finger on what it is exactly until Roland's shift is ended and Mordecai follows him to his bedroom. Roland's hands tangle in the scarf, but he doesn't take it off; he only keeps wrapping it around his fingers over and over.

When Mordecai removes it, Roland takes takes the scarf in his hands and pauses.

“What? Is this a fetish of some kind?” Mordecai wonders. “Me wearing your clothes?”

Roland shakes his head, a conflicted expression on his face. “No, not exactly.”

“Then what?” Roland doesn't reply. “C'mon, Roland, just say it,” Mordecai adds, a bit impatient with his eternal hesitation.

Roland wraps the cloth tightly around his hand and gives him a flustered look. “Uhm…”

Mordecai’s confusion only grows as he looks between Roland's face and his hand.

“What? You know I was with Moxxi; it's not easy to shock me at this point,” Mordecai says wryly. “You want to use that? How? You wanna tie me up?”

Roland fidgets slightly. “Not, uh, not you.”

Mordecai blinks, then a wide grin stretches across his face. “ _Oooh_ ,” he says and laughs. “Why can't you just say it? ‘ _Tie me to the bed and fuck me senseless_ ’.”

Roland's vaguely embarrassed expression shifts into one of titillation at his words.

Mordecai chortles. “Good. I can do that.”

Among other things, he picked up a few pointers on tying knots from his time with Moxxi, although he hadn't thought he'd make use of it again.

There is a look of anxiety on Roland's face when Mordecai starts wrapping the scarf around his wrist.

“I can leave it loose,” Mordecai offers. “Work up to it.”

Roland looks less anxious, but still not entirely at ease. “Maybe just one for now. ”

“What, don't you trust me?” Mordecai teases. He drops a kiss in Roland's mouth. “Alright.”

“Do I need a safe word?” Roland wonders with smile.

Mordecai snorts. “For just one hand? Sure, if you want.” Mordecai finishes tying the scarf to the bedframe and looks at Roland. “Let me guess: Hyperion.”

“... I was going to say ‘Atlas’.”

Mordecai throws his head back and laughs. “Of course. I should have known.”

* * *

Mordecai isn't too thrilled when he's sent to Tundra Express while Roland chases a lead on the Vault itself. Their Raiders are spread thin, and there are fewer and fewer of them lately.

“I have an escort; if anything _I_ should be worried,” Roland says.

“Please, not even the varkids go near Tina's workshop anymore - too many proximity bombs,” Mordecai replies.

“And you'll be raiding trains, not sitting there all day. ”

Mordecai makes a face of reluctant agreement.

He’s been stationed in Tundra Express for two weeks when he's woken up by the sound of screaming varkids - which always has the same effect on him as nails being dragged across a chalkboard. Only Roland knows this, though.

“Oh, good, you're up,” Roland says with thick sarcasm when Mordecai turns on his ECHO. “I've been trying to reach you for a whole day.”

Mordecai rubs his eyes. “Is that why there are four people setting varkids on fire all over Tundra Express?” he asks gruffly.

“There are six,” Lilith’s voice chimes in, and Mordecai freezes midstep. “One of them is a psycho, so don’t kill him.”

“Lilith,” he says, his stomach dropping. “You’re in Sanctuary? What happened?”

“It’s a long story -” Roland says, but Lilith cuts him off.

“Roland got himself captured, like a dumbass,” she says, the insult sounding more fondly exasperated than biting. “I had to come to run things for a while.”

“What? Captured?”

“I’m fine,” Roland says pointedly.

“How?”

“That’s not important,” Roland replies quickly.

“He was taking a leak and got ambushed,” Lilith says, sounding very self-satisfied.

Mordecai groans and rubs his forehead. “Roland, what the fuck?”

“Not important,” Roland says, trying to downplay it. “The Vault Hunters I sent to you helped me get away, I’m fine. And I got intel on the Vault.”

“Is that why I couldn’t reach you for days?” Mordecai interrupts him. “Why didn’t Reiss call me? He knows where I am.”

“Reiss is dead,” Roland says, blunt and grim.

Mordecai closes his eyes for a second. “Damn it.”

“Yeah,” Roland agrees. He takes a deep breath and soldiers on: “Anyway, the Vault Hunters need whatever you have on the key.”

“Yeah. I got lucky yesterday, actually. I think I celebrated too hard after that.”

Mordecai tells the Vault Hunters what he knows and provides support while they run around Tundra Express. He comes close to shooting their psycho several times by accident - killing psychos is an old habit by now. When the Vault Hunters blow up the train tracks he remains behind, fighting the Hyperion reinforcements until he hears they are battling Wilhelm.

A horrible sense of déjà-vu hits him, and he rushes to leave his base to help them in whatever way he can. He’s only reached the base of the mountain when Roland tells him not to.

“They’re holding up against him,” Roland says, actually sounding impressed. “You’ll only get cut off from them by more loaders.”

Mordecai paces a little before giving in. “Alright. If you say so. I’m sorry about the bad intel.”

“It was a trap, anyone would have fallen for it.”

“I’m usually better at sifting through the bullshit,” Mordecai says, frustrated.

“What part of ‘trap’ aren’t you getting?” Roland says.

“Also, you’re talking to the guy that got captured by the Bloodshots while taking a leak,” Lilith chimes in.

“By the _Bloodshots_?” Mordecai says, incredulous. “Really? I assumed it was Hyperion.”

“No, that happened later,” Lilith says, and it’s clear she’s grinning.

“I swear to _God_ , Roland,” Mordecai says.

* * *

The Vault Hunters leave for Sanctuary as soon as they can. Mordecai means to follow them, and is packing his things when he sees some suspicious Hyperion activity. He’s itching to get back to Sanctuary and beat Roland over the head for getting captured, but after the fiasco with the Vault key and Wilhelm he guesses he should at least try to get them all some good intel.

His plan backfires so quickly and spectacularly he guesses he should have expected it. And in a way he did - but he didn’t expect Hyperion to capture Bloodwing.

When he tries to contact Roland to let him know, there is no answer. He’s already on edge as he trails after Hyperion, and this almost sends him into panic: losing contact with Roland (again), can’t be a good sign. The Vault Hunters aren’t responding to his calls either. He has to push down his anger and fear as best he can and keep moving.

He’s finally managed to intercept a Hyperion message about Bloodwing and learns where he needs to go to rescue her, when Roland contacts him.

“Mordecai, are you alright?”

Relief hits him so hard it almost makes him dizzy. “Roland. What the hell happened?”

“Sanctuary was attacked.”

“What? Are you ok?”

“Yeah.”

“I phased the city to the Highlands,” Lilith says, sounding proud but exhausted. “No big deal.”

It sounds like something he needs to hear, and Mordecai can’t say he can really grasp the whole meaning of it, but he can’t focus on it right now.

“Roland,” he says, trying to push down a new wave of panic. “Hyperion has Bloodwing. They’ve taken her to the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve.”

There is a pause.

“Are you ok?” Roland asks, quiet and concerned.

“No. I’m going after her.”

“Is she - is she still alive?”

Mordecai grits his teeth. “She is.”

“What happened?”

“We got ambushed in Tundra Express,” Mordecai says simply.

“Are you hurt?” Roland asks.

“No. You?”

“I got a little crushed,” Roland replies, and Mordecai isn’t entirely sure if he’s serious or not. “We’re fine now. I’ll try to send the Vault Hunters your way.”

“Thank you.” There is a pause. “You’ll have to tell me about Sanctuary later.”

“The city is flying,” Lilith says, her voice oddly subdued.

“The Vault Hunters are working on connecting the city to the Fast Travel network again,” Roland adds.

Mordecai nods. “I’ll see you guys later.”

* * *

Mordecai pushes past the Vault Hunters, some of whom send him sympathetic looks that he doesn’t want to see, and heads straight to the Raiders HQ. He takes the stairs by two steps and storms into the main room where Roland and Lilith are.

Lilith does a double take. “Mordecai. Hey, I’m sorry -”

Mordecai ignores her completely and gets in Roland’s face. He’s shaking with rage and sorrow.

“You,” he says, clenching his fists by his side. “You told them to kill her.”

Roland’s face is stoic, but his eyes are full of sympathy. He flinches at the words, but doesn’t look away.

“Mordecai -” he starts, quiet and mournful.

“You. Told them. To _kill_ her,” Mordecai repeats. “How could you?”

“I’m sorry,” Roland says, and unlike when he said it when they were still at the Wildlife Exploitation Preserve, he actually sounds like he means it. “I’m sorry.”

Mordecai purses his lips, trying to stop them from trembling. He wants to shove Roland away, to yell at him, but then Roland’s arms are pulling him for a hug and it’s like his strings have been cut, like all his furious energy has left him. Mordecai hides his face on Roland’s neck and clings to him with shaking hands to avoid crumbling down to the floor.

“Fuck you, Roland,” he mumbles.

“I’m sorry,” Roland says again, one hand coming to cradle Mordecai’s neck.

Mordecai takes a shaky breath.

“ _Oh_.” Lilith’s quiet whisper breaks the silence. “I - Oh.”

Mordecai can feel Roland tensing and looking at her, but before he says anything, Lilith’s footsteps leave the room.

Roland sighs, but doesn’t let go of him. Mordecai can hear Lilith’s voice talking to the new Vault Hunters downstairs, but can’t make out the words - by the sound of it, though, she’s asking them to give him a minute.

Mordecai takes another, steadier, breath. “You didn’t tell her?”

“Couldn’t find the right time,” Roland says with a grimace. “I’ll deal with it.”

Mordecai would like to do that, to leave it in Roland’s hands and detach himself from the hurt feelings and just focus on taking down Hyperion, on avenging Bloodwing. But Roland is dealing with enough things already, and he’s failed to talk to Lilith so far.

“No, I’ll talk to her,” he says.

“You don’t need to -”

“I’ll talk to her,” Mordecai repeats, pulling back from the hug. “She’s probably gonna punch you if you do.” Roland smiles ruefully. “She’s been here for a while and you haven’t told her - I’d punch you if I were her.”

Roland nods in acceptance. “Maybe I have it coming.” He cups Mordecai’s jaw. “I’m sorry about Bloodwing.”

The words bring out a new flare of pain and Mordecai bares his teeth. “Don’t wanna talk about it yet,” he says. “Can’t.”

“Ok.”

“But I know it wasn’t your fault,” Mordecai adds. “It was all Jack.”

Roland gives him another sympathetic look and nods. Mordecai kisses him, brief but heartfelt and leans his forehead against Roland’s for a moment.

Roland takes a steeling breath and heads towards the stairs to call the Vault Hunters up.

Mordecai stands quietly by a corner, and tries to avoid the pitiful looks he gets from some of them. Maya seems to be the one the others look to for guidance, and they follow her example of being quieter than usual.

Roland hands her a piece of paper, and Mordecai raises his eyebrows when Roland explains they’ll be contacting Brick. Things will get even more interesting around Sanctuary if Brick accepts the summoning.

He hasn’t seen Brick in around three years, shortly after he took the title of Slab King. Mordecai had tried to drop by and maintain some type of communication with him, but they both realized Brick’s bandit followers were simply too stupid to understand they shouldn’t try to kill Mordecai.

He and Brick hadn’t parted on bad terms, really - but Roland and Brick’s fight had been a bad one and Mordecai is almost as curious as he is dreading their reunion.

“You sure about this?” Mordecai asks Roland after he’s done giving instructions to the Vault Hunters.

Roland nods, but doesn’t seem happy about it. “Yeah. We need his help.”

Mordecai shrugs. “Alright. But I’m not separating you two again,” he warns. “Brick almost broke my jaw by accident.”

“I remember,” Roland mutters with a hint of anger in his voice.

Mordecai’s mouth twitches.

Maya clears her throat, and Mordecai turns to look at her in surprise. Most of the Vault Hunters have already left, with only her, Gaige and Salvador still standing in the room.

“We’re sorry about your bird,” Maya says, in a voice that sounds almost cold despite the words. If Mordecai didn’t know Roland, he’d have taken it as a sign of insincerity or mockery instead of awkwardness - but Roland is much the same, especially when he’s doing something that he doesn’t want to do but needs to be done anyway. “Gaige insisted we bring these to you,” she adds, extending her hand.

She’s holding three of Bloodwing’s feathers.

A painful lump forms in Mordecai’s throat. He wants to take the feathers, but he’s terrified of touching them, and so he can only stare at them, frozen in place.

Maya hesitates. “Uh, I can hold on to them -” she says, pulling her hand back.

“I’ll take them,” Roland says.

Maya looks between them and Mordecai nods mutely to let her know it’s alright. She hands them over to Roland who gives her a small smile.

“Thank you,” Roland says.

“Yeah,” Mordecai croaks.

Maya nods and backs away without another word. Mordecai appreciates it.

“We’re really sorry!” Gaige says, too loud, too shrill, making an overly sad face that only really shows how young she is.

Mordecai looks away. He hears Maya herding Gaige out of the room and Salvador’s heavy footsteps behind them.

Roland looks at the feathers in his hand. “Where - What do you want to do with them?”

Mordecai shrugs stiffly.

Roland thinks quietly for a moment. “Should I leave them on her cage?” he asks.

Mordecai closes his eyes, then nods.

“Alright.”

* * *

Lilith finds him the next day instead of the other way around. She left the Raiders HQ and Mordecai isn’t really sure where she went or where she spent the night, but he isn’t going to ask.

She just flops down next to him on the sofa and steals the rakk ale bottle from his hand. She takes a long pull before handing it back.

“Morning,” he says with a small smile.

Lilith rubs her eyes, and when he studies her face he realizes she looks hungover. He guesses her eyes are red.

She sits there quietly for long moment. “I’m sorry about Blood,” she says.

Mordecai looks away. “Thanks.”

“So, you’re with Roland now?” Lilith asks without any particular inflection; just the confirmation of a fact she already knows.

“Yeah.”

She nods. “Is that why you stopped going to visit?”

Mordecai looks down at his hands. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Lilith lets out a bitter laugh. “Asshole,” she says casually. “You could have just said so. I missed you.”

Mordecai smiles. “I didn’t want to get set on fire.”

“Why? Cause you were sleeping with him?” Lilith asks with a smirk. She leans back on her seat and looks at the ceiling. “It would have hurt, but it would have been easier. Knowing he’d moved on.” She sighs. One of her fingers forcefully scratches the fabric of the sofa. “I think that’s the worst part, that I kept hoping, waiting until I could come back.”

There is a pained expression on her face that he understands all too well.

“I - I’m sorry,” he mutters, carefully laying a hand on her arm.

“Yeah, you better be. If you stop visiting people like that, they’re gonna think something happened to you. Or maybe that they did something wrong,” she says, giving him a tight smile.

“I’m a bad person,” he says without thinking. “I didn’t - I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Her eyes well up a little, and he suddenly remembers how much younger she is - twelve whole years. And, as far as he knows, Roland was her first boyfriend.

“Yeah. But you were going to, anyway; might as well have done it quick. Like a band aid.” She takes his hand in hers. “You’re not a bad person just because you fell for him. No worse than me, anyway. I hope you’re both happy, I do - but next time grow a pair.”

Mordecai laughs, short and a bit watery. “I think… I assumed he’d go back to you at first. It was a thing. I think that’s why I didn’t just tell you.”

He still half expects Roland to change his mind and go back to Lilith, if he’s honest, but telling her that would be incredibly cruel - especially now.

Lilith gives him a bitter smile. “If you’re expecting me to feel sorry for you about it, you caught me on a bad day.”

Mordecai ducks his head. “No, that's not - You’re right. Sorry.”

“You’re my friend. And even if you weren’t… I don’t know. I’m not gonna get in the way.” She shrugs. “It’s been three years.”

Mordecai, who knows he spent the majority of the past five years hopelessly pining after Roland, doesn’t say anything to that.

“Is that Roland’s old scarf?” she asks suddenly with a frown, touching it.

“Uh, yeah,” he replies awkwardly. “It was a gift. A while back.”

She gives him an amused look. “Wow. He only ever gave me guns.”

* * *

 

Brick is basically the same, and all in all, that’s a relief. The reunion between him and Roland is painfully awkward, but at least there is no need to physically keep them apart. But Brick has always been a boundless source of energy, of laughter and nonchalance, and his presence brings them an unexpected source of comfort.

Lilith especially latches on to him, and Mordecai has to admit it brings him some relief. She has taken the news of Mordecai and Roland remarkably well, but she deserves to spend time with someone other than the two of them for a change.

Their respite is short, though. Soon the Vault Hunters come back from Opportunity, all of them sounding like Handsome Jack himself, and it’s the creepiest thing Mordecai has ever seen. Getting the Vault key is a pressing need, but even without it being an urgent task, no one wants them to stay like that for too long.

Roland intends to infiltrate Control Core himself, and Mordecai isn’t happy with it in the slightest - especially since Roland expects him to stay in Sanctuary.

“Hyperion’s been this close to killing all of us these past few weeks. I’m going,” he says stubbornly.

“Yeah, me too,” Lilith chimes in. “I don’t care what Angel said.”

Roland looks incredibly uncomfortable at being confronted by his current boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend at the same time. Brick is looking at the three of them with his arms crossed and a somewhat confused yet amused expression on his face.

“Can you two just trust me?” Roland says. “I know what I’m doing.”

“No, you don’t,” Mordecai snaps.

“Mordecai, I need you to stay here and protect Sanctuary,” Roland says. “We can’t all go at the same time. This could be another trap.”

“The last time I left you alone, you got captured,” Mordecai says. “By _bandits_.”

“Well, now I have bandits on my side,” Roland says, giving Brick a slightly apologetic look.

Brick shrugs. “Sure,” he says, unconcerned.

“Fuck that! You need a Siren with you,” Lilith says.

Roland looks like he wants to drop his head on his hands. “Lilith, you heard what Angel said.”

“And you believe her?” Lilith demands. “She tried to kill us.”

“Twice,” Mordecai adds.

“Exactly.”

Brick’s shoulders are shaking in silent laughter.

Roland closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and when he opens his eyes again he only says: “No.” Mordecai and Lilith exchange a look. “Neither of you are coming. I have six Vault Hunters and Brick’s men - I’m not leaving Sanctuary unprotected.”

“That’s what you said last time,” Mordecai growls.

Roland ignores him.

“If you die, we’re gonna be really pissed,” Lilith says, pointing at herself and Mordecai.

Roland sighs. “Noted.”

“Don’t worry, guys,” Brick chimes in, dropping a hand on Roland’s shoulder. “Me and my slabs will keep him safe.” He winks at one, or both, of them.

Lilith blinks and Mordecai fidgets, both suddenly awkward. Roland looks like he’d very much like for the ground to open at his feet and swallow him.

Brick takes a step back and grins.

Axton clears his throat from the door. He’s grinning almost as broadly as Brick.

“Hey,” he says, then grimaces when Handsome Jack’s voice comes out of his mouth. “Did we miss something?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roland is a sub, and I will fight Gearbox and God themself over this
> 
> Meet me in the pit, y'all


	2. Side A: Canon compliant

Lilith paces and Mordecai stares at the video feeds from the ECHOs of Roland and the Vault Hunters. He’s tense and rooted to the spot, and he’s been kicking himself since Roland left Sanctuary. Mordecai should be out there with him; he shouldn't have listened.

The Vault Hunters are fighting the Bunker and Roland is fighting his way, alone, up the back of Control Core when Lilith throws her hands in the air. “This sucks!”

“Go,” Mordecai says.

Lilith looks at him and he looks back. He nods. “Go, help them. They’re gonna need a Siren. Another Siren. You’re faster than me.”

Lilith watches him for another moment. “I’ll keep him safe.”

Mordecai gives her a rueful smile. “I know. Go.”

With a blast, Lilith enters phasewalk and disappears.

Mordecai turns to the screens again, wishing he could go with Lilith. Wishing he could do anything.

* * *

Shields don’t work at point blank range, there is a minimum distance needed for them to trigger and deflect bullets.

That utterly useless fact is the only thing Mordecai can think of as he watches Roland die.

Lilith shouts his name in a gut wrenching wail that Mordecai feels deep in his bones. She unfurls wings of fire and leaps a Handsome Jack; and in the meantime Mordecai can only gape, can only try to wrap his mind around that impossible fact that keeps eluding him because it just can’t be happening, it can’t be real.

Mordecai is a fast shooter, sure, but Lilith has always had quicker reactions.

It doesn’t pay off this time, though. Handsome Jack is ready and he snaps a control device on her, and he talks and talks, and Mordecai can’t hear a single word of his rant because none of this can possibly be happening.

By the time the Vault Hunters have materialized again, Mordecai’s heart is hammering in his chest, his hands have curled up in tight fists and he’s shaking.

He swallows thickly and all he can do, much like when Bloodwing was killed, is shout.

“What happened?! What the hell just happened?!” he yells at the comms. “First Bloodwing now this?!”

He stops. He quivers. He stares blankly at the video feed of the Vault Hunters’ ECHOs in some nondescript storage room.

“Vault Hunters, find me in Sanctuary,” he growls. “We gotta... We gotta…”

His voice breaks. There is a wave of pain rising from his stomach, clawing at his lungs and clogging up his throat. Mordecai covers his mouth with a hand to stifle a howl of anguish, wrapping his free arm around himself. He struggles for breath, and when he finds it, he starts sobbing.

“We’ll be right there,” Maya’s voice says, quiet yet certain. It sounds like a promise.

 _Shields don’t work at point blank range_ , Mordecai thinks as he leans against the work table and slumps to the ground.

* * *

Much too soon, when he’s not even been able to make the sobbing stop, Maya’s voice is speaking close to him.

Mordecai can hear the rest of the Vault Hunters shuffling about and he wants to yell at them to get out and leave him be, but his throat is still painfully shut. Maya tells the rest to give him some space and sits next to him on the ground.

She doesn’t say anything else, she doesn’t even try to touch him besides the point where her shoulders and hips and knees bump into his. When he’s finally managing to even out his breathing, Gaige comes to sit next to Maya and she very quietly hums a song Mordecai can’t even try to identify right now.

When he trusts himself to speak, Mordecai clears his throat and takes a deep breath.

“We gotta get Lilith back,” he says.

“Yes,” Maya agrees. “Do you know where we can start looking?”

He tries to think of something useful, or anything besides the endless litany of _RolandisdeadRolandisdead_ that is running through his head.

“What - What happened to the key?” he asks.

“Jack has it,” Maya replies. “He wants to use Lilith to keep charging it.”

Mordecai blinks. “Oh,” he mutters. He remembers he missed most of what Jack said because he was focused on Roland ( _whoisdeadRolandideadRolandisdead_ ). “He’ll need to take it to the Vault when it’s charged.”

“How can we find the Vault?” Maya asks.

“There’s only one place that can have that kinda info, the Hyperion Info Stockade,” Mordecai replies automatically. “In the Arid Nexus.”

“How do we get there?”

Mordecai stands up, and Maya and Gaige follow. He points at the map of Pandora on the table in the middle of the room.

“I’ll mark it on your ECHOs. You need to get to the Eridium Blight first. It’s the only access now.”

“Alright,” Maya says, studying the map.

“You guys ok?” Mordecai asks belatedly.

“A few cuts and bruises, nothing permanent.”

Mordecai nods. The feeling of deep exhaustion and numbness is expanding through him and he welcomes it. “You guys wanna leave now?”

“Uh, not really?” Gaige pipes in, apologetic. “It was a long fight to the Bunker. I think even DT had enough for one day.”

Mordecai nods. “Let me know when you do.”

“Is there anything we can do to help in the meantime?” Maya asks.

Mordecai shrugs. “I don’t think so.” He frowns. “No. The people of Sanctuary don’t know what happened: can you guys tell them? I don’t - I don’t think I can do that right now.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you,” Mordecai says.

Maya pats his arm awkwardly. Gaige shuffles a little, looking like she wants to offer some type of comfort too, but she doesn’t want to hug him.

“You can go,” Mordecai tells her.

Gaige gives him a guilty look. “I’m not good at…” She makes a vague gesture to indicate everything.

“I know,” he says with faint sarcasm. “Don’t make it weird, kid. It’s fine, just go.”

She nods, but then leans in and gives him a brief one arm hug.

“You’re making it weird,” he says.

Gaige flashes him an annoyed look, but it dissipates when she sees his small smile. She waves as a goodbye and leaves.

Axton and Salvador are slumped on the couch right outside the meeting room, looking exhausted. When Mordecai walks past them, Axton offers him a beer.

“Want one?”

Mordecai shrugs. “Sure.”

He uncaps it and drinks as much of it as he can in one pull. Axton gives an impressed whistle.

“Remind me to take you out for a drink sometime,” he says. Mordecai rolls his eyes and takes another bottle without comment. “Uh, sorry. Habit, didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Axton is an ass. He flirts with everything that moves,” Salvador informs Mordecai unnecessarily. He’s leaning back on the couch with his eyes closed. “Including his damn turret.”

“My turret is the best girlfriend I’ve ever had,” Axton says. “And I still think you’re jealous of her.”

Salvador snorts. “You wish.”

Mordecai has paid only half a mind to the exchange, and only because the sound of other people’s voices help him keep from getting sucked into his own thoughts and misery again.

“You alright?” Axton asks.

Mordecai shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Wanna talk?”

“Nope.”

“Fair enough,” Axton concedes. “I got more beer.”

Mordecai considers it. He picks up a few more bottles, tips his head as thanks and leaves.

He stops right outside of Roland’s room and hesitates. His hand hovers over the doorknob as he tries to decide whether or not the privacy and the closeness to Roland’s belongings and smell will make the grief better or worse. He leans his forehead against the door.

The pain is coming back now, a gaping hole in the middle of his chest. It’s still mostly shock, but also the beginning of understanding what Roland’s absence means and will mean for him.

Mordecai sighs. He already feels like he’s drifting, like he’s untethered and getting swept away. He fumbles for something to guide him, for something to aim for.

Then he remembers: Lilith is captive. Lilith is still alive, and no doubt she’s hurting as much as he is, but she’s also a prisoner of the guy that killed Roland on top of that. Who knows what Jack is doing to her.

Mordecai pushes away from the door. He turns around and goes in search of some vacant bed, preferably away from prying ears.

* * *

He wakes up with someone shaking him by the shoulder.

“Mordecai, hey,” Brick calls. Mordecai screws his eyes shut, wishing he could go back to sleep. “Hey, Mordy.”

It’s been a long time since he’s heard that nickname. Brick was the one who came up with it and the one who uses it the most.

Mordecai’s mouth is dry and he swallows hard. “What?” he asks, annoyed.

“Where is everybody?”

Mordecai rolls over and turns to look at Brick. Brick’s sitting down on the bunk bed across from the one Mordecai’s sleeping in.

“What?” he repeats, confused.

“Where are Roland and Lilith?”

Mordecai feels as if he’s been punched in the stomach, all the air in his lungs seems to rush out of him. When he inhales, the pain settles back in his chest.

“You don’t know?” Mordecai asks like from somewhere far away.

Brick frowns. “Know what?” from the sound of his voice it’s clear he knows something’s up. “I left after they destroyed the Bunker, Roland said he’d call if they needed more air support.”

Mordecai stares at him, unable to find the words. He closes his eyes for a second to steel himself.

“Roland’s dead,” Mordecai grits out, fixing his eyes somewhere past Brick’s shoulder. “Jack has Lilith.”

Brick frowns and opens his mouth, but doesn’t say anything. In the end he leans over and places a hand on Mordecai’s arm.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Mordecai pinches the bridge of his nose to try and keep new tears at bay. He nods silently.

“And after Blood,” Brick says. He makes an angry sound. “We’re gonna kill this guy, Mordy. I swear.”

Mordecai works his jaw and takes a deep breath. He wipes away a few tears and gives Brick a grateful look.

“Hell yeah, we are.”


	3. Side B: FIx-it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They just... _they deserve better, y'know?_
> 
> Roland deserved better.

Lilith paces and Mordecai stares at the video feeds from the ECHOs of Roland and the Vault Hunters. He’s tense and rooted to the spot, and he’s been kicking himself since Roland left Sanctuary. Mordecai should be out there with him; he shouldn't have listened.

The Vault Hunters are fighting the Bunker and Roland is fighting his way, alone, up the back of Control Core when Lilith throws her hands in the air. “This sucks!”

“Go,” Mordecai says.

Lilith looks at him and he looks back. He nods. “Go, help them. They’re gonna need a Siren. Another Siren. You’re faster than me.”

“Come with me,” she says, and she has that look in her eyes: stubborn and determined. “I can phase us both in there. I phased the whole damn city.”

It means Eridium, and the tiny part of Mordecai that isn’t entirely fucked up wants to argue, wants to tell her she shouldn’t use any more of  it; but before he even realizes he’s nodding in agreement.

“Ok. Let’s go.”

* * *

Roland isn’t happy when they get there, and none of them cares. Lilith phases along the Control Core chamber while Mordecai climbs to a high spot and provides support as well as he can; and it might be a good thing they showed up after all, because without Lilith they couldn’t have turned off Angel’s prison.

Handsome Jack has the gall to plead, to threat, meanwhile his daughter urges them to kill her - and Mordecai had thought he couldn’t hate Jack more after he had Bloodwing killed, but it turns out he can.

They surround her as she dies, full relief and defiance, and Mordecai is suddenly overcome by so much pity it surprises him. Angels smiles at Maya as she dies, and Maya looks back with a sort of quiet bewilderment.

Roland dishes out orders, but Mordecai is watching the prison, the cage, and wondering how it must have worked, and out of the corner of the eye he catches the slight shimmer of Jack’s cloaking device as it’s turned off - and he turns his head to see the gun in Jack’s hand.

Time seems to stop and go too fast at the same time. Mordecai grabs hold of Roland and pulls him roughly forwards, and he never made the decision to speak, but he hears something that must be his own voice calling out Roland’s name in alarm.

Roland looks surprised for what seems like forever, until the gunshot rings, unbelievably loud in Mordecai’s ears, and Roland blinks and looks down at his chest. Mordecai’s heart seems to stop. His hand goes for his revolver as a reflex, but Roland’s knees have given out and all his weight falls on Mordecai, who can only stumble and try to catch Roland before he falls face first.

Jack smirks at them and says only: “‘Sup.”

Lilith shouts Roland’s name in a gut wrenching wail that Mordecai feels deep in his bones. She unfurls wings of fire and leaps at Jack, hands first like a spirit of vengeance, and Mordecai, trying not to stumble to the ground, can only distantly wish he was her. He’s a fast shooter, but Lilith has always had quicker reactions - not to mention Siren powers.

It doesn’t pay off this time, though. Handsome Jack is ready and he snaps a control device on her, and he talks and talks, and Mordecai can’t hear a single word of his rant, his attention mostly on Roland, but also on Lilith and the Vault Hunters behind him. They have their weapons out, but Jack is using Lilith as a human shield, and none of them can get to him quickly enough before he orders Lilith to kill them all.

Mordecai looks down at Roland’s face and for a second he can swear Roland blinks back at him, but before he can make sure Lilith phases all of them away.

* * *

As soon as Mordecai can breathe again, he says: “Roland!”

He lies Roland down as gently as he can. Out of nowhere there are several pairs of hands helping him. Roland blinks and coughs and grunts in pain, and Mordecai thinks he might pass out out of sheer relief, because that means he’s alive.

“He needs a doctor,” Maya says over Mordecai’s shoulder, all business.

“The hell are we?” Axton wonders.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Mordecai replies gruffly, without taking his eyes off Roland’s face. Roland’s eyes are unfocused. “Maya, can you do something?”

Maya pauses, then kneels down by Roland’s side. She stretches out her left hand over his chest, which begins glowing faintly. Roland grunts in pain again, but his eyes seem to clear a bit and they focus on Mordecai.

“I think one of his lungs is compromised,” Maya says. “He needs a real doctor.”


End file.
